My Humanity, My Life
by greeneyedAlice91
Summary: After Silo finds the from her sister she goes to find her father, The Jackal. What will she find? for ShiloCoulter


**AN: For ShiloCoulter, my sister in all but blood.**

**Shilo's POV**

I never thought I'd be here, of all places. But months had passed since reading Dana's letter and discovering just who my father was and the nagging feeling I had when I glanced at the letter wouldn't go away. In the back of my head I could swear I heard Dana telling me to find him, this elusive spirit who, in life was Ryan Kuhn. So now here I am standing at the rusty, falling off their hinges, gates of Borehamwood Asylum staring at the place my father had called 'home'. The winding tree flanked path up to the crumbling charred asylum looked and felt foreboding and I wondered for a moment who else haunted this place. Gathering what courage I had I took my first step toward the dilapidated gates, then another and another. Soon, without my truly knowing it, the ruins of Borehamwood stared at me like the corpse of some evil fairytale dragon.

The once tall, proud building was now what I'm sure it looked like on the inside; blackened and burned twisted wreckage. The massive door, still mostly intact despite the obvious scorch and burn marks, creaked ominously as I pushed it open, as if it knew what I had come looking for. I shivered then choked as a blast of cold musty smelling air rushed at me. Regaining my breathe, I continued further in, taking note of the wood paneling on the bottom half of the walls which bore, not only evidence of the fire but, as I looked closer, scratch marks. My heart rate picked up and a chill crept down my back as one thought ran through my mind, he is still here. Quickly glancing around the deserted lobby, or what used to be the lobby, I made my way to an intersection point.

A hallway was on my right and my left, both looking fairly similar except for faint scratches on a panel in the right hallway. I slowly made my way down that corridor, looking at everything as I passed. A door would be open here and there revealing a trashed patient's room or an aid's office. All looked almost worn and tired as though the building was an old man on the cusp of death. Then abruptly the hall ended, leaving a closed door. My hand, shaking with fear and a bit of excitement, reached out to touch the doorknob. The metal was cold to the touch, colder than anything else I had touched so far. My hand, as if in slow motion turned the knob and I peered around the slightly opened door to see what was on the other side. Stairs and lots of them. The majority of the stairs were fine but further down, where I knew the fire had ended, they were almost gone.

It was then a lyric I had heard once in a musical came into my head, 'Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair/down we plunge to the prison of my mind'*. I laughed, a bark of fear-filled laughter as I thought this suited just who was the 'dungeon's' prisoner. With that lyric playing on repeat in my head, I ventured down the rickety stairs, a few good floors of them, to what awaited below.

**Ryan's POV**

Someone was coming down the stairs that much I knew. And female, if the light tread was anything to go by. A sickening smile stretched my scarred features, lighting my eyes with a spark of want. It had been so long, too long since I had a treat and I was desperate for one. My thoughts and plans were stopped when I saw a strangely familiar person, one I knew I'd never see again. "Cassie?" I croaked out, my voice tired and hoarse. The head snapped up and I met ice blue eyes that I knew if I looked, would have a ring of brown around one. The hair, fine and midnight in color matched what mine had looked like when I was alive and sane. Then I knew, oh how I groaned inwardly at my revelation, this was my Little Black Rose.

"Shilo…sweet little one." I whispered as I slowly walked toward her. A flicker of fear passed through those eyes, mirrors of my own, and I flinched. How else would she think of me but with fear? I was a monster in life and in death. Then as I prepared to take another step closer, she did the unexpected and threw herself in my arms. Her body felt small and warm, alive, against me and I reveled in that feeling. I felt her shake with sobs and I pulled back to look at her.

Her features were her mother's but everything else was mine. Slowly I wiped away tear after tear with my thumb, sweeping over those delicate cheekbones and slender face. "Oh my sweet girl, what is wrong?" She broke down even further then, burying her face in my straitjacket and shaking in my arms. My dead heart broke when I heard her sad words. "Dana...suicide…letter…" I held her ever tighter and rocked us back and forth trying to soothe the child I had never got to know. "Shilo, tell me what happened."

At her name she lifted her head up and began to quietly tell me what had happened, starting with her meeting her fiancé and ending with Dana's suicide and her stint in the hospital. Then she said the words I had never thought I'd hear: "I needed you Daddy." My breath caught in my throat as the silence feel around us. Quick flashes of what I missed in her life went through my head and I hung my caged head in shame. "I am so sorry, so sorry. If I had known…I would have been there but…" I trailed off, aware that at any moment she could leave which was what I deserved. "I know that you didn't know about me. I asked mother several times who my father was and she never said and once I asked if you knew and she said that you didn't. I don't blame you. Just be here for me now." she said, her voice hoarse from crying.

A tear rolled down my face and I choked back a sob. "I promise you, I will always be here for you from now on. I love you my Little Black Rose." Once again I found my arms full of my long lost daughter and this time I held on with renewed vigor, I felt as though I had a part of my humanity back, I had my life back.

***Lyric from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera**


End file.
